I think I want to drink coffee when im bored. Its my smoking, which I have incidentally stopped.
One day I just couldn't smoke anymore. It began to taste bad, if taste is what you can call it.

If I outside, doing something, I don't feel like drinking so much coffee.

xxx

I was going to write about colleges, but I should probably be careful. What if someone does a check and reads my blog. Unlikely but why take a risk.

xxx

I don't know where he is. He's not contacted me in a long time. Maybe he feels like he doesn't want to hang out with me anymore.
Fine.
I don't feel anything. There is no point. We only make ourselves long and feel miserable.
I won't.

If he calls, its fine. I will tell him that he did not wish me on my bday.

When he himself asked me when my bday was so that he could call from outside the country and wish me. But he didnt. He forgot. You don't forget people you are interested in.
Ergo he is not.

I think we've gone over this.
But who can get enough about going over relationships or none.

So, he doesn't. And I will not take it personally. I will not think that I am not attractive. People like or don't like people for complex reasons. Its not only attractiveness thats a factor.

Reflecting on which, why am i only concerned about attractiveness and nothing else.
Because come on, everyone is a good person and nice.
And basically I fear losing something that I had.

I used to be a model. I used to look good. I don't know how good i look now. I fear that im not as good. Somehow i always fear falling from some standard. I think its a common phobia plaguing my ex industry.

xxx

And if you realise, liking is all about us.

xxx

We devote too mcuh time to liking. Its because we are bored.

xxx

My friend is in a bad place.
A guy who she didn't even like in the first place and is not good looking or super smart did not call her back. Imagine.
A guy who was persuing her through her ignorings.

They just persue you to win the match, I think. Then they score and move onto the next open.

Several crude jokes in there.

xxx

I want to study in Mumbai. But I don't think, I don't know, so far so calls from here.

I want several things, but there is no need or reason why I should get them.