Coll is beginning tom.. im jittery.

xxx

I have a strange liking for Nice biscuits and Gems.

In real life, not in the movies, can one actually find someone who loves them and would do things for them?

xxx

If someone could pick just one person in the whole world, would they pick me?
Would someone I like pick me?

And not change their mind about me.

Would someone ever like me enough to want to marry me?

I mean I don't even know if its real.

Would I ever go in for botox?


Absolutely not!!!!!



(Im waiting for them to come up with something better)

And do not assume that you know who I think is gay. I have not given out any clues.

He’s not going to be there for you and he doesn’t want to be there for u. Understand that silly girl.




He does not want you.



I thought that if someone really knew me he would be heels over head in love with me. But that does not seem to happen. People who don’t know me much like me. Maybe I think I am more wonderful than I really am.

Everytime I msg JAF now, i am afraid that he will think that i am getting after him.. not giving him any breathing room.

But im not.
That is not my intention.

See, at least you(reader) now know that.

I started eating again! And I haven't put on weight!
As yet.

I won't. And if I do, I can lose it.

I feel more normal now.

xxx

Wow.
And did I do this for myself?

Well, I am happier. But I did for someone else.
I did it for someone who does not even exist in my life at the moment (or maybe he does).
I did it so that someone would like me, better, because I was more normal now. Because I had one problem less.

So a new prospective person will now meet a Malavika who eats normally, almost.
Who eats at least.

Then the new prospective hypothetical person will have one less reason to not like me.

xxx

I sometimes feel like my only ambition in life has been to find someone to get married to.
I have had short term goals.. like coming first in everything I attempt, but my one long term goal has been to find the right person and get hitched.

I don't want perfect, anymore, I just want nice, some similar interests, and a means to support present std of living.
I don't want financial worries. And im just saying at least present std of living.

xxx

Maybe I did actually start eating for myself actually. Because there is no one there to do it for. Maybe I really do love myself and don't know it as yet.