My friend is getting married while I have to face apathy.
Thats an unfair statement because I may have many things that she may not.
And vice versa.
But the fact that im dwelling on this news means that it means something to me.

Im not saying I want to get married.
If I get married, it will be lovely. Until I know its lovely, i'll wait.

I should not think that something is the matter with me.
Like I hope not anyway.

I know I will be fine.
Marriage is not perfect either.

See the thing is, as it is I don't get any sort of relationship with anyone, even if i want to.
I don't know why, but its how its always been.

And its fine. But it just feels like being the odd one out.
Will it be like everyone will get married and i'll be the old unmarried friend who comes alone to parties.

Not that she is unhappy. And not that her friends are happier.
But she's just the odd one out.

xxx

But why does he suddenly not want to meet me?
Did I do something?
I did who I was.

I can't message him. Remember how i think of those who keep on messaging me even though i deliberately never reply.

Im those people to him probably.
Suddenly.
Or maybe since a while, and i just failed to notice.

xxx

The last to last time I was fascinated with someone, he got married, and i wasn't even invited.
Im sure 'present he' will also get married. I heard he was engaged once, and i will here about it from friends.
And i will say 'Oh really, I didn't know that'

Friend-'He didn't tell you?'

'No, we're not in touch.'

'But I thought you were friends.'

'No.. I mean not off late.'

xxx