I honestly ate pretty well today. Im trying not to feel guilty. So far, so good.
Why should I even feel guilty.. even if I did overeat. I "need" to put on weight. I have to eat more. I want to look normal.

I get so conscious when people look at me. I feel like.. they are just thinking "what is wrong with this girl."
At one time I would have thought that they were probably thinking that im looking nice.

xxx

I have decided that I am going to consult a nutritionist, get a diet plan from her.. and just eat what's on it blindly. I know that I have to eat more.. I know what to eat also... but having that chart will help me. Maybe I will feel less guilty. I will be less confused. I will just eat what's on the chart without trying to decide exactly how hungry I am. I will not avoid food till the last second.. when I feel faint.

I will just eat all those yummy, fattening things.
Because I want to look good. And I will.

And once i've put on some weight I can eat less. Hopefully I will have learnt how to eat by then. Hopefully I will not be as afraid of food.

xxx

I hate laptops. I need PC's.