The servant has not come today. My mother hit me on the head screaming "I am amazed that you did not think of washing the dishes when the maid is not there. I work so hard.."

I did not think of it. I did not realize. I am a scatterbrain. I am a bad person. I am not my cousin Smriti, who washes all her clothes herself in Bangalore. I am just a lazy person who is watching Grey's Anatomy.

I didn't realise. I don't mind doing the dishes. I went to do the dishes and she snatched the scrub from me and told me to go. She wouldn't let me do it. "I have stopped expecting anything from you a long time back."

But, ok I am a bad daughter. But I just didn't realise. I am scared of her.. scared of doing anything.
I am bad.. but I want to do it. She will not let me do it. I feel guilty. I feel like a slob. I don't know what to do. I am scared of coming out of my room when she is in the house.
I am scared of noise.

I am bad.. I know.. how culd I not realize.. but it happened.. and now.. i mean i can wash them.. but i can't.
And i am not good like my brother and my cousin, who has done so much.
Its not good enough to want to do things.
I soooooooooo want to do things. But i never will..
I just need to go away. I feel like a burden on everybody.