My first thought was, "Does she not know that the neck of her t-shirt is hanging dangerously low? Does she not know that someone can look in?"
I was looking in,
Across the poker table
Into the black benetton v-neck tee of my cousin sister.

Either she did not notice, being busy collecting the poker coins(not familiar with card terminology)
Or she just felt like feeling sexy.

Our younger cousin brother had a good look.. as he co-ordinated his movements across the poker table so that he could stand directly opposite her.

He's not good looking.
Simple.
This was amazing for him.
Where would he get such an opportunity.
Not at his college..
And my female cousin looks very good, even.
Family,
Is important.

His eyes were leashed.
It is only natural.
We are curious.
"What is in the box, say?
What is in your top?
My friends talk like they know.
I should know too."
He went at it like it was a math equation.
Only im sure he hates math.

This, is not math.

Calculation, my dears, is, not only math.
Calculation, hahaha, is a lovely invention, that we use to pretend that there is a purpose to life.
It helps us to justify that decision making is a significant and neccesary activity.

When it doesn't matter either way does it?

xxx

I had gone with family to a farmhouse in Khandala for the day. The architecture and landscaping of the house was amazing.
The house was wedged into a slope, integrating the natural contour of the land into its body.
The garden had strange and fascination trees.
We plucked sweet guavas.

There were the most amazing knick-knacks.
Boxes that looked like show pieces.

I like the hidden.
What you do not know is exciting.
You can imagine.
Our minds are the most exciting things.

xxx

I played with the kids. They are more interesting than:
eating,
movie stars,
eating movie stars
and poker(since I don't know how to play it).

We went exploring.
The garden.. then other bungalows.

Saying wow is fun.
Saying wow out loud.
Describing wow to a real live person, feels good.
Usually I describe my wows to myself, in my head, in the absence of a real live person.

xxx

We expect a partner to give us all the attention we got when we were still cute and children.
Childrens.
People say that.

We want to be loved all the time, and we want attention all the time.
Partnership serves those needs. We call them love, compatibility, spiritual bonding, and what-ever is "In" in our decade.
But we want attention.
Who will give it.
Him.
Why?
He thinks its the way.
And for sex.

And he has not touched a girl.

We give attention, in courting season.

The world is filled with meanos.
And liars.
We need someone to be nice.
Tell us the truth.
And lie, for a good purpose.

So that we can be fine and happy.

Like when we were kids and our parents said "My darling!"
And relatives said, "So cute! Let me hold!"

They confuse us in teenage-hood man.
And we never recover or regain our knowledge of the basic concepts of reality.

xxx

And I thought once again.
Why do they make not swings,
for people my size,
they make only swings,
which are so wide.

Wider behinds.
But my mind, my mind
Is what is wide.
So where is my swing?
Where is my slide?

Poker, is a poor substitute.
Along with other, sad adult passtimes.
xxx