I was wondering whether he cared about me.
Then I made myself stop wondering, because I wasnt sure whether I wanted anything to happen between us.

I find relationships scary. Its like the fear of the unknown. Im so used to being single and I know what to expect every day that the element of uncertainty unnerves me.

I think I like him.
One of the reasons I like him is that I want to be loved and cared for. I want that support and everything.

But I am scared.
Why am I scared?

Because what if it doesn't turn out right?
As expected?
Eventually I do not really know him and people are different once you get familiar.

And anyway I am speaking like I have an open offer and the descision is in my hand but I don't even know if he likes me or wants anything.

It just seems as if I am passing my time here, thinking about the possibilities of a romantic relationship.
Nice way to spend a Saturday at home,like.

When I was younger, in college, my female friends and I would carry out very thorough studies on whether our crushes liked us or not.
We would try to interpret guestures, statements, and collected information and use our combined expert opinion to come out with the final conclusion, mostly positive, for the sake of common friendship and all that.

Your friends will always make it seem like the guy is into you so that you can feel better about yourself.
Over time I have realised that this analysis is absolutely feckless though not necessarily a waste of time.
It can be the very passage of time.

Anyway,
basically ive stopped discussing the men im into with my friends as I don't see how the discussion is going to help in any way. Infact it will just increase my longing, optimism and expectations.

I dont talk about him.
I wont think about him.
Till I know anything.

Im not going to make myself unnecessarily like someone.

But on my own, im sure I can, just for a bit, ponder over whether he does like me?
What does he think of me?
Hmmm.
No conclusive evidence, I have, to study.
So why bother with this?

Its just that im 24.. and being single makes no evolutionary sense. Right?

And I also have this lovely theory about how we go about our entire lives in search of the same love and attention we once enjoyed for a brief period of time as children, before it vamooshed as a result of societal norms and decentralisation of power in the parent-child hierarchical structure once we grew up.

Long sentence.