Its 5 a.m. Im not rising early.. im not getting any sleep.

I'll tell you what my problem is.
I partied for 2 and a half nights in a row, half denoting half a session.. and it made me recall how much fun it is.
Im like really nostalgic right now.. I loved partying.. I waited expectantly for each Fri night.. it kept me going through the week. Its like there was something to look forward to.
I loved it. I want it. I feel like its my solution.

Maybe im romanticising it. True, it did get a little boring towards the end.. but I think thats because the group broke up.
I liked to go partying with a set of my female friends.. and I don't think it was as much fun when I went with others.

And now I don't hang out with them anymore.. so I just want.. and don't do.
Maybe I could just call them.. but what can I even say.. "Lets party," like they'd probably think im strange or sumin. But its not a bad shot.. what do I have to lose. We could all have fun.

xxx

I know it now.. i've just been miserable because i've not partied. I liked to dress up, go out, meet people. Its my element. I felt taller partying than I ever did on the ramp. On the ramp I had my place.. junior model.
While partying all is equal..

xxx

Anyway, I don't know when I will go out next. I hope I can convince someone to come out on my bday in Jan.
Yes Jan.. well u give me a solution.

There is a friend's bday on Sunday. I didn't even think of going becaue I didn't know who to go with.. an I would feel rather odd if I went alone.

So.. you know what I did.. I asked one of those old girl friends whether she was going. She may think its strange of me. But we were good friends right..
We could both be friends again.. she might also have fun..
Or she may not want to be friends.. and then its ok.. but one must try to get what one wants.

xxx

I also don't remember how we stopped being friends. But I miss it.. those were fun times.

You need work.. and you need to party.

I hope in my MBA collge there are like hard core party people who are my friends.

Hope.
xxx

And to make things worse im listening to music.. after ages.. i'd stopped listening to english music because I didn't want to waste time.
I said.
Maybe I didn't want to be happy.

But now I did.. and its making me sad.. because its putting desire in my heart.. desire for things not easily attainable..

I know partying itself promises mirages. You are expectant but nothing ever happens. You won't magically find love or happiness like the songs that are playing in the background promise. But you can look good, get compliments, flirt, dance and feel good about yourself.
And that if anything, is as good if not better.
Because even love has a shelf life.
But,
Partying is forever. :-)