The benefits of having an anonymous blog are that you can write what you actually feel about things, like a friend's pregnancy.(I hope you don't mind the reference, dear friend)

So I am not going to say anything, here, except that a friend is pregnant, will have been pregnant, which is good, in the circumstances.

The thought of murder did not cross my mind at all. Abortion seemed to me to be the only logical course of action.

The father does not know and nor do 'his' grandparents(friend's parents).
In a tacit knowing agreement my friend and I have decided that the baby is a he. I suppose we've always been a bit partial to baby boys. Must be the whole Electra complex.

So I told her that there is no need to feel guilty, because all guilt is self imposed, and that she just had to do the logical thing. It was a mistake, thats it, whats the big deal?

I didnt feel anything about the child until she told me that she saw the baby in the ultrasound.
That was when I started imagining myself as the mother.

Imaginary me was very proud to be a mother, but she couldnt tell anyone coz she had to abort her baby.
Imaginary me felt lovely and beautiful, fragile and womanly.
Imaginary me felt like a working system, that could do its duty.
Imaginary me, is bloody chauvinistic.

I told my friend how, by default I would feel something for the dad just because I felt so lovely about the baby.

In this case daddy is not a boyfriend, and daddy need not be loved in confusion, I told mother not to be.

I told her about my fears of not being able to conceive myself and then having to face the apathy and disinterest of my partner. I think it is a fear for many women.

To conclude, the great thing is that my friend got to experience something wonderful, maybe its wrong to say this in the circumstances, but I really find the process so miraculous and lovely.
And my friend is lucky because she realised just 4 weeks down. So there is no need for a surgery and she just needs to take some pills that will eject the embryo.

Its very easy to say all of this, but im surprising myself by realising, what is this, that I would be very tempted to keep it. I would be very tempted to tell the father that he's a father, to hope to get married and keep it.

I did not realise this emotion untill this very moment. What is this Malavika?

Oh my God..
who am I?
I did not know this about myself.
I always used to think that I was too unfeeling for my own good.

Imaginary self was just supposed to have an abortion.
She does have an abortion! After all im not foolish. It depends on who the father is.
Im not so foolish so as to get married to just anybody. But for a moment in time you feel something for the partner.
And so what? its like an anesthesia induced halucination.

xxx
I suggested we name the baby. He has a name now.
He deserves a name.