I think im over him and it.

xxx

Im come to the conclusion that what I should look out for in a man is that:

1) He should be nice

2) He should be able to earn a decent living

That's it.

xxx

What happens when you burn money?


You get ash.

Why doesn't he meet me?
At this point I don't really care if we can't be in a relationship but I want to partake of a social life.

I would mostly go out and do things with him. I mostly meet my other friends only for coffee.

We have fun. I miss his company. I swear that even just as a friend I miss his company.

Is he conscious or something? Is he keeping his distance?
Will things change?

I only keep on messaging him and now im feeling odd.

I am sad.

I feel lonely.

I need attention.

So do u?

I never said that I am not willing to give attention.

I know being with someone is not going to make my life perfect. But we want what we don't have.

I could be with someone and he may not be giving me attention. So im not a pitiable person.

xxx

I need to go out and meet more people.
I would like to hook up.

I ate lunch properly today.
No particular reason for doing so.. just hunger.

xxx

I have to forget about him.
Nothing is going to happen.
Daydreaming is fun but illogical.
Nothing will change.

But can't he be my friend.
Why does he never talk to me generally during the week?
I want a friend.

I want to talk to him but I can't msg him, forget about calling, because I feel like im getting behind him.
He doesnt ever msg or call to chat.
Its not ego, its just that he may not return my sharing sentiment.

xxx

Something happened.
Another friend liked me I think, and when I did not return the sentiment, he did not want to have anything to do with me. Just cut me off.
Cut me off from some things important to me. Things that I cannot mention here just in case this person happens to read it.

In short he liked me, I didn't like him and so he got rid of me.

xxx

They, not JAF, the guys who like me, always do this.
They like me, I don't like them, then they just go off, leaving me with the dissolving scraps of an unreal friendship.
And because they feel hurt, they try and hurt me.

Who cares though?
If I did, i'd have returned their affection.

xxx

My PC screen is so big. Im afraid someone at work will read all of this.
While im typing...

I have a feeling im going to be left all alone at home this weekend. At the most i'll meet my usual coffee group. No one wants me to come out partying.. not as yet atleast.

xxx

My mother shouts at me if I dont wear compact and kajal.
And if I don't carry a comb.
Or my shoes don't match.

xxx

She should live her own life.
I am not her.

xxx

She is not me.

xxx

I can make out that the peon like the accounts lady in my uncle's office.
Where do these peons even come from?
They seem to be the only people on this planet prone to singing all the time, everywhere.

I have a very bad habit of lying. White lies lying.
It started in my youth.

I began to white lie so that people would have a better impression of me. Even at 10 I was extremely conscious about the image I portrayed. I lied about facts so that id be better than I was, and it became a habit.

Its a bad habit and can be very embarrassing when the truth comes out. I know that people must be thinking that im weird.. but i cant help it.. its happens before I can control it. And the lies are so stupid. They do not serve any purpose.. they just destroy my image infact.. and yet.

I will stop.

Oh God.. do I sound like a mess. Ive never admitted to anyone about my lying before.. but I want to stop.
I want to be clean.

Who's going to like me like this.. with all my rubbish.

But I suppose other people also have all their rubbish.

And im a nice person and very loving and i dont think badly of people. So these are my good points.. and I think they far outweigh my other rubbish.