Got only 83 in xat!

I am really sad that I did not apply to ISB.
I hope that I get into an esteemed institution.

Its petty or whatever.. but I really feel like studying in a college that gets a 'oh wow' reaction you know.
Like oh yes.. thats a really good college. Great place.. great things happen to people who pass out from there type of place.

I got a call from SIBM and SCMHRD... which is great. But its only a call for GD/PI, not the final admission.

I also got throught the first list for IIM K, which was only on the basis of my CAT marks. They asked us to submit our past academic marks on the basis of which they will come out with another list. Don't know if i'll be on it, but its ok.

All the other IIM's have come out with their lists.. and im not on them... but its ok.

I had good scores. I hope to actualize my GD calls into an admission in a good B school somewhere.

I now came 8th, all over India in the simulation CET test conducted by my class. Im happy.
Ok but you know now what the problem is. Some instituted are finishing off with their admission process before others are out with their final lists.

So say that I get into X college but im waiting for the final list for Y college which is better.
I can't risk not taking admission in X college, because there is no guarantee of me getting into Y college.
And if I do get into Y college, I will feel very bad if I can't go to it.. because it is much better.

So what to do. Will stress about it then, when the time comes. What else!

I hope they have sone refund policy. But still its super ouch to have to pay 4 lakhs somewhere and then get somewhere else.. pay 4 lakhs there and wait for this refund.

Anyway, why worry about it now.

We had to write 6 essays for SIBM and submit them before our interview.
Just submitted.. so feeling good and relaxed.

I usually make a wish list before my bday.
I don't know why.. I feel like its my bday so God will grant it to me or something.

Our generation is so comfortable.. really.. no wars.. no depression.. no discomfort.. lots of money.
The only things that make us uncomfortable is a lack of purpose and obesity.

We are too comfortable. Lolling in mass produced promises.. not having a purpose.. therefore believing that having even more comfort is our purpose.

So much comfort.. and yet here I have a wish list.
Can you imagine..

Firstly I wish happiness and luck to my family. I wrote it last but then decided to put it on the top.

And my kids. They need luck. I hope they do well in life. They are so cute.

The list:

1) To get into a school that will teach me things that will greatly benefit me.. and my future work. And the school should also get me a good placement and a good starting salary.

2)To meet smart and interesting people with whom I can create things.. and learn. Who will get me excited and fulfill my need to know and do.

People can't do this for me. I have to find out what to learn from people.

But I shall be friendly and care about people.

3)To have better eating habits.

4)To maintain my weight.

5)To have no marks on my face.

6)To have adventure and excitement.. but not to be harmed in the process.
(What? Its a wish. Wishes are perfect)

7)To be part of large scale events.

8)To be able to study hard.

9)Usually I also wish for love. Maybe it will be good. You always have someone to hang out with.
But its also scary.
But its also interesting.

Its like I didn't know how good life could be with a laptop till I got one.
But before I did, I didn't know that I was missing out on something.
But now I do believe that I was missing out.. and I cannot go back to a state of not having a laptop.

It is also because of this reason that I have decided to buy a BB.

And it is also because of this reason that I think that maybe love will be good.. it will fill my time.
It will add value.
And people go on about it so much.. so im taking their word for it.. that its good.

10) I wish that my hostel is nice.

11)I wish that I have a group of friends to hang out with at the hostel.. and im not group less like in ACJ.
Because that sucks.

12)I wish that I look pretty.
And its not least important.. by the way.

Thats it.. i've satisfied myself fully.

I put up the performance chart today. Its quite effective.

When I enter the classroom, all the children want to tell me their stories.
I'd love to listen. I'd love to chat.
But do you know what I have to do?
I have to tell them to stop talking.
Becase they are all talking and then one loses control of the class.. and everyone else will think that im wasting time in the class.

Still, I try to ask them whats going on in their lives.

xxx

Shahid does not even care about the chart.
He doesn't care about anything. He sits with his desk tangential to his chair over the carpet of his school bag.

When will he sit properly?
But atleast he now sits.
We've just gotten him to sit in one place.
When I first met shahid when he was in the Jr KG, he was playing catch with half the staff....
not the game.

Although he thought it was a merry one.

xxx

He's really cute.. but naughty.. and he has to learn how to listen and behave like the others.

Remember I told you about the call from some Rahul guy on the 1st.. and that I feared that the psycho was back.

I think he is.

Yesterday I got a call from someone.

Me-'Who's this?'

Person-'Who am I speaking to?'

Me-' Tsk. Don't you know whom you called.'

P-'Is this Nishita?'

M-'No.'

And I cut the line.

He called again. I answered.. because I thought maybe he was mistaken the first time around.

M- 'Who do you want to talk to?'

P-'You'

M-'What?'

P-'Yes, you. I don't want to talk to any Nishita.'

M-'Are you mad? Don't you have any real friends?'

I wondered if it was a friend playing a joke on me.

P-'Whats the problem?'

I cut the line. And subsequent calls.
Then he sends a message saying : Why are you being so rude?

What!

And it was a different number from the Rahul time, because I've already saved that as don't ans. This is don't ans 2.

Why do I think that its the same guy.. because how many psychos can there be? I mean doing the same thing.

I have gotten such calls earlier.. since I was in college. Especially around some yearly event.. diwali..xmas.. wishing me.
And when I would ask who it was.. the person would always say 'How does it matter?'

Ya.
Wierd.

And the calls.. just like these. The person would be like 'Hey, how are you?'
And when asked who it was.. 'What does it matter?'

Im going to tell my dad if he calls again.
I never bothered to tell anyone earlier.. because usually 'they/he' would wish me and then not bother me for the rest of the year.
Maybe i've even told my dad..
but its so wierd.

I was right.
He did not call me before he left.
And I did not want to message him.. because why should I be the only one remembering schedules.

And I get scared that people will stop liking people who are always around paying attention to them.

So he's left.. I guess.
Won't even remember to call me on my birthday.
.
xxx

And I don't even like him.
Romantically.
I won't be able to explain it properly.. see I don't have too many friends to hang out with.
And I genuinely like hanging out with him.
He is my friends circle.. sort of.
So what if he tires of me? Or doesn't like to hang out with me.
Is what I fear.

But so what. If he does.. he does.
When we bear death.. why are we afraid of these little little things.

Chalo.. forget it.

I am sure I just want attention.