I didn't get into FMS as well. It is as good as XLRI and the MBA only costs Rs.20,000.
Seriously.

I have never gotten enough marks in the simulation tests to make it to their cut-offs. But I still hoped, for some miracle, or a good working day for my brain.

Which means that I probably won't get a call from any of the IIM's or XLRI either.

xxx

Im alright. I hope I get in somewhere.
You don't suppose i'd be a bad manager do you??
I mean you do suppose I have the aptitute for it right?

See,
few people are great..
most of them are average like me.
Middle of the bell curve.

They will be ok..
They will be average to good.

Some people know they are the bell-y of the bell curve.
Some people do not.
And some people do not have good luck.

Its not a bad thing.. they don't place psychological barriers on themselves. And as long as they don't get very dissappointed its fine.

I lost my phone and I don't have any of my numbers stored on it.
So right now, I got a call from an unknown number.

Person: 'Happy New Year!!'

Me: 'To you too. Who's this?'

P: Rahul Agarwal.

In my head - who?

M: Im sorry I don't recall you.

P: I met you at one of these fashion weeks. I was going through my phone so I thought I would call you.

M: OK thanks by.. (cut off)

P: I have ur pictures.. there is this show coming up..

M: Im not modelling anymore.

P: So what are you doing then?

M: MBA

P: From where?

M: Giving the entrance exams.

P: Oh when will the results be out.

M: 12th

P: So what else are you doing now.

In my head: Oh my god..

M: Teaching

IMH: This must end soon. I don't even know who im speaking to.

P: Oh ur a teacher.. which school.

M: ok I have to go now. Bye.

Click.

xxx

Arre.. why is he chatting.. I can't even remember him.
The number looks oddly familiar.
Could it be the wierd psycho guy from college.
Who's that?

Another time.

Saved the number as don't answer.

When you lose your phone you answer all your don't answers. This is my second one this season.

xxx

My partner in the XAT exam is messaging me on FB.
That too.
"Hi. How was the XAT.
Are you a model?"

Questions no one would ask in person in real life.
FB changes the nature of our reality..

I saw him looking at my ID.. but didn't think anything of it..
He was learning how my name is spelt.

Louis Banks donated biscuits.

Now very soon, im going to take a camera to school and show you interesting things.

Everything that is good in life is fleeting.

xxx

Want to know about another one of my irrational paranoia's??

So the nightmare is that someone is speaking about me and they are like 'Oh she used to look good earlier. But now...'

It sends a chill down my spine.
Do you identify.
I guess not.

xxx

It shall be said that im over obsessed with my looks. Everyone is over obssesed with some attribute of their selves. Maybe they don't write in a public blog about it, but they think it.

Yes, I suppose it shall be said that I am justifying.
But thats what is being human.

So there.
With love,
from a class A justifier.
xoxo

Nari Uncle's death was a story in the paper today.
"British national lets kin bleed to death."
Since that is what can be proven till now.

Its funny.. for someone who's accused of being cold and everything (by the parents) that I get attached to people so easily.
Easily attached so easily hurt.

People who get attached easily are the hopers. They are those sorry folk who feel wronged and are looking for the ultimate solution in the form of a person. There is no such concept or thing.
They want to be loved and liked by the object of their liking and for some reason this has always been difficult, or so they believe.

I am aware of my feelings therefore they have no power over me. Not power enough to result in foolish action on my part.. unless prodded by insecurity fuelled by another.
My other weakness.. the word of the other.

xxx

Basically I cannot understand how he feels about me.
Are we really just friends?
Which is good.. I wanted to be friends.
Anything more makes me uneasy.. if he liked me i would probably be cribbing about how it would be so much better if we could just be friends.. liking has always ruined my friendships and social life.
And reputation, by the malicious types you know.

But since I cannot understand whether he does like me.. and he probably doesn't ..it becomes something i wonder about.
I don't care.. I only wonder.

Since its better this way.
Its perfect.

They have taken the man, lets call him A from now on, to the Mahim police station.

A clearer picture of the story has now developed.
According to A,
the night before the death Nari Uncle had an accidental fall.
He then punched himself in the face.. which is why his body had black and blue bruises.. and then bled to death.

A has done nothing wrong, says A.

The police have booked him for negligence leading to death, for now, till they get further evidence from the post mortem.
It is a non bailable offence, therefore A now temporarily resides at the Mahim Police Station.

The police asked him why Nari uncle's hands are clean of blood, if he punched himself.
The police asked him why he did not call an ambulance at night, when Nari Uncle had been bleeding so profusely.
The police asked him why he did not ask for help, or do anything, other than mop up pools of blood with Nari Uncles shirt, while the old man lay bleeding.

They found the shirt in the bathroom. A had not tried to hide or dispose of it.

My father thinks that what might have happened is that they got into a fight, A punched Nari Uncle, saw the blood and panicked.. leading to the present circumstances. He does not think it was malice or anything crueler.

We cannot accuse him of anything until we know more.

A is a British national, therefore the police are treating the case very carefully. They don't want to come under the radar for treating him badly or something.
They told my father that usually they would have slapped the accused around, but they wont do so since the man is a British national.
Someone has been called from the consulate to oversee.

Mahim police station is not a jail and they only have a temporary lock up. They do not even provide food.. so my father is paying them to get him his meals and other things.

xxx

Let me tell you about the house where Nari Uncle was staying. The house belongs to his sister in law, Mohini Aunty, an Alzheimers and Parkinsons patient. During all these events she has been in hospital where she has been admitted for breathing difficulties, also after A's arrival.

The house was tenanted, then several years ago the owner told Mohini Aunty that she would either have to buy the house from her or move out. Mohini Aunty did not have enough money to buy the house, so my father paid 4/5ths of the money and in return she put the house in his name, after her death and that of Nari Uncle's.

I don't think A knows that. He wasn't in a mood to leave the house, calling it his own. He even put his own lock, which has now been changed.

My parents have lost the deed entitling them to the house.
They've just lost it.
Can't find it.
Can you imagine.
Its one of their few savings.

Thank god that I do not depend on other people and their things.
I don't depend on the future assets of my family, or assets that could be acquired from a spouse.
I don't dream of them or depend on them.
I depend on what I can get and hold.

xxx

Im not that crazy after money.. I just want to buy a house, have good clothes and travel. You only need more money for the first want, if you live in Mumbai.